I’m praying that God would make it abundantly clear which way I should go. I’m praying a lot.

I think I’m going to visit with a couple of doctors in the next few weeks and go from there. I know that I would have more success with a VBAC at a birth center with a midwife rather than in a hospital setting (my labor at the hospital last time was anything but ideal), but with a prior cesarean and a husband who is not comfortable with that, I just can’t go for that option.

So, anyway, that’s where I’m at. I’m mourning the fact that I may never go into labor again. I’m aware that if I choose a VBAC, I may still end up with another cesarean. We live in one of the least “granola” areas of the country, so I have yet to hear of a doctor in this city that will do a VBAC (I know I can find one if we choose that option). So many things to consider.

I really appreciate all your comments and personal email about this subject. Thanks for being so kind and sharing your experiences with me. We’re in uncharted waters here; your perspectives are a lifeline.

Books I actually finished:
Divine by Karen Kingsbury
The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom
Wisdom for Mothers Bible Study by Denise Glenn (I actually skipped the last part about working outside the home because it doesn’t apply to me at this time. It also talked about serving in other capacities outside the home and keeping your priorities in order, and I feel I’m doing okay in that area right now. I’ll probably have to re-visit it later).

Books I’ve started:
A Mother’s Heartby Jean Fleming
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian
Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey
Unveiling Glory by Jeff Childers and Frederick Aquino
Lord, Teach Me to Study the Bible in 28 Days by Kay Arthur (I’m almost done with this)
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Our trip to Hawaii brought another book into my hands: The Ultimate Kauai Guidebook.

Life circumstances and decisions about health have brought me to some other books I’m in the process of reading:

Birth after Cesarean: The Medical Facts by Dr. Bruce L. Flamm
The VBAC Companion by Diana Korte
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
The Maker’s Diet by Dr. Jordan Rubin
Breaking Free Bible Study by Beth Moore

(remember this post? Again, I’m not pregnant. Yet. Just getting all the facts.)

So, there it is. I’m reading. Sometimes slowly, but always surely. There’s so much to read and so little time these days in which to do it!

See how the others did over at Katrina’s blog!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Rejoicing in Him,
aggiejenn

our actual Christmas card had this same picture and Scripture.

I would notice that so-and-so had a matching sofa set with a beautiful coordinating rug. And so-and-so has such pretty hardwood floors that look freshly polished. And so-and-so really has a sense for decorating; everything looks just like a magazine spread.

And that feeling of inadequacy comes creeping up. Where did that come from? I know, Lord, you have given us so very much. We are so blessed. I know that.

It’s the same feeling I had last time I came home from my sister’s house. It’s beautiful. Everything in her house matches. Not a picture frame or candle holder that doesn’t coordinate finds its way onto the shelves. She is so talented at organizing and decorating.

Our house? Well, it’s a mismatch of hand-me-down furniture, new furniture, well-used furniture. Pretty much anything anyone gives us finds its way onto the shelves, tables, and countertops. (I definitely inherited the packrat gene from my mother and grandmother; it skipped my sister.) I can’t say that our house has a style per say.

I think about my friend whose house is spotless at all times. Even with two kids. Her carpets don’t have stains. Dishes don’t sit in her sink. The beds are always made. Even when I stop by at a moments notice–nary a speck of dust to be found.

And I feel inadequate as a housekeeper and “stylist” for this home.

Driving around with all this floating through my head, my thoughts traveled back a few years to when I had a group of girls from Students for Christ at my house overnight. I used to teach in a large urban high school where most of the kids were on free and reduced lunch. Broken families were the norm. 15-year-olds getting pregnant was not uncommon. Gangs and drugs were rampant.

The girls wanted a “Ladies Night” retreat sort-of-thing, and instead of paying to stay in a hotel, I offered to let them come to my house.

I didn’t think anything of it.

Our house is not huge. It’s a normal, modest, one-story house in the suburbs. It’s just the right size for us, except the yard is a little small for the dogs. It has three bedrooms, a couple of living areas, and an average size kitchen.

I dream of something bigger. A large island kitchen. Hardwood floors that stretch through the house. Clean carpets. Matching furniture that’s comfortable and practical. A bigger yard. The list goes on.

Do you know what I overhead that night the girls stayed at my house?

“This is my dream house!“

I was stopped dead in my tracks. Her dream house? Don’t people normally say that about big, fancy mansions with marble and tile and a pool?

Not when you’ve lived in an apartment all your life with your whole family (extended family, probably) and never had your own space. Not when you share your small bedroom with more than one other person.

I was humbled then and again today when I remembered those words.

Lord, help me to be satisfied with what you have given me. It is more than enough. You are more than enough for me. Thank you for humbling me once again.

I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:4-8

Sunday afternoon we try again. We head to the mall to eat lunch and let Caleb get a picture with Santa, which did not go well. Caleb needed a nap and Lifeway is closed on Sunday (when will I ever remember that???), so we headed home to put Caleb down and I went out shopping by myself.

We finished most of the shopping last night, and now I have to wait for a package to come in the mail today so I can repackage stuff and mail a box of wrapped Christmas presents to hubby’s mom’s house in time for Christmas. It’s a good thing I bought all of Caleb’s presents earlier this year and they are patiently waiting in the top of his closet for me to wrap.

Maybe next year I’ll get my act together?

Welcome to my Home!

Our tree…you’ll notice it’s only decorated half-way down! Thanks, Caleb.

The centerpiece of my mantle. My grandmother gave this angel to me a couple of years ago. She has one just like it that she’s had for years, and she was thrilled when she found one for my sister and me as well.

Stockings hung by the chimney with care…

My mom just finished making Caleb’s stocking. She’s the talented one in the family! I wish you could see every bead and sequin and stitch on this stocking. It’s a work of art, a labor of love.

And, of course, our little Aggie tree. My best friend, Lisa, gave it to me when she moved out of state. We display it proudly in our house!

Some more ornaments from our tree…

This one we got when we went to Hawaii this year. It says “Mele Kalikimaka” (Merry Christmas in Hawaiian). We’ve continued the tradition hubby’s mom started and we try to buy an ornament every year that represents a place we went or something we did together as a family.

This ornament was given to me by my mother-in-law when hubby and I were just dating. I never forget that hubby is not “truly” Texan (because he reminds me of that fact!).

Thanks for stopping by! Head to BooMama’s for more home tours!

Have a blessed and Merry Christmas!

Here is the first one we received, our first Christmas as a married couple:

Our very first Christmas ornament as a couple! I don’t know how she finds such unique ornaments, but it is a blessing to us. The year we bought our first home, we received this ornament:

It says, “The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson”

Tomorrow I’ll post some more decorations for BooMama’s Christmas Tour of Homes.

Check out Mountain Musings tomorrow, Friday the 15th, for more favorite ornament posts! You still have time to write yours up and send her the link (by 9pm tonight).